according to james

Family is a blessing

There was a time when I felt that family was a burden; just another worry that I tried to avoid. I think that was partly the reason I enjoyed living away from family in San Francisco all these years; they were out of sight out of mind. And whenever I came home, I stressed about my parents’ relationship, their business, my brothers’ educational and career paths, my grandfather’s health, the house we bought together and everything else you can imagine. For some reason, I felt that since they were my family, I was inextricably tied to their situation and fate, and caused me constant duress. I felt that it was my job to worry about them and feel responsible for solving their problems. Maybe it was my high expectations that made me feel like they should be doing better in life, but either way this created a suffocating sense of anxiety and resentment in me.

Looking back at this, I feel guilty and obtuse for looking down on my family and for viewing them as a burden. When I was lost in my self pity over my family, I overlooked the fact that it’s truly a blessing to have a family in the first place. I underestimated my family and felt that I needed to do everything for them, putting unnecessary pressure on myself, when my family never expected or needed me to “save” them. Now I realize that all they want from me is to be happy. In my needless stress, I lost the gratitude that I should have for having my family in my life.

Having the minimalist mindset of appreciating the simpler things in life and being grateful to be alive has given me this newfound sense of contentment with my family. They are capable masters of their own destiny, and I accept them for who they are and I no longer want to force them to change to fit my ideal view of a family. Sure, I still want the best for them and will continue to support them, but I will no longer waste my time stressing about them for no reason. This sense of gratitude has given me much needed perspective and I’ve discovered a deep sense of joy and love for my family. They truly are a gift.

the u.s. must ban torture

the fight against terrorism is a war of ideology, hearts and minds. to win, the u.s. must take the moral high ground and ban torture, which compromises our efforts in this new kind of battle. reprehensible acts such as torture will result in propaganda for terrorist campaigns.

11.20.07

currently on my mind:

-just read an article about republican presidential hopeful mike huckabee which said that he was gaining ground in the ultra-important state of iowa for the primaries.  and frankly, im glad.  although i don’t believe in his pro-life and anti-gay marraige stance, i like him because he isn’t dogmatic about these beliefs.  he is the first conservative christian to actually seem like a compassionate person, saying that it’s only God who can judge people.  he spreads a message of hope and love, which is hard to find from republicans these days.  he is also very layback and cool.  he doesn’t seem to take himself so seriously, like guiliani and romney.  he is in a band.  he’s a pastor. 

i wouldn’t vote for him if he were the republican candidate, but i’d be glad that he was nominated.

-i just watched 28 days later last night, and i am still captivated by it.  such an amazingly eerie storyline of a man waking up out of a coma and finding himself in an abandoned city.  then discovering that he’s not alone, and that there are infected people everyone that come after him.  even in scenes that were supposed to be lighter and joyful, like the market scene or the picnic scene, i was terrified, waiting for the next attack.  the music was so perfect, and it made my skin crawl and my heart was throbbing throughout.  the addition of the soldiers to depict the parallel cruel nature of uninfected human beings was a nice touch and twist.  i am entranced by the images of walking alone in an abandoned city, and constantly under the fear of being attacked and eaten. 

-i just read an article about how obama used pot, cocaine, alcohol and goofed off in his childhood with regularity, specifically in an attempt to deal with his issues of identity, growing up as a black man with a white mother in hawaii.  he grew up in college and lost his naivete and became socially conscious and changed his life.  great bill clinton-esque story of using drugs!

-also bought some shoes from my new obsessions: whiskeymilitia.com… the fact that there are expiring deals makes me want to buy the product even more! great marketing strategy!

11.17.07

Today I woke up with the urge to run.  In the words of Forrest Gump, I just felt like running. 

So I got out of bed, splashed some water on my face, downed a strawberry Slimfast, stretched, and ran out the door.  It was cold outside, and a thick fog had descended upon the city. 

I ran up to Geary and decided to just keep going down it until I got tired.  I wanted to explore the Richmond area, and I found a lot of cute cafes and ethnic restaurants which I put into memory with the intention to visit in the future.

After dredging past my first wall, I was energized and I started feeling the runner’s high, that I came to love in my high school cross country and track days. 

As I got down the numbered streets, I found myself in the 30s, and I made up my mind to make it to Ocean Beach.  So I kept running, and suddenly I became enveloped in a deep thick fog, and it was drizzling.  I couldn’t see 50 feet ahead of me, and thought I was lost.  But I kept running, and suddenly out of the fog appeared the majestic pacific ocean and it took my breath away.  I was amazed because it came out of nowhere, and I just stopped in my place and realized that it was totally worth the run. 

Right along the ocean, I discovered Louis’, a cute mom and pop breakfast cafe, and the Cliffhouse, a huge complex featuring several different restaurants and attractions.  I would love to eat and hang out in that area. 

Then I continued to run and chatted with a rescure worker who was helping with the oil spill cleanup effort on the beach.  He told me that there was a lot of progress being made, and he was optimistic about the outlook. 

I loved running along the beach, enjoying the views and feeling alive.  By this point I was dead tired, but I didn’t care. 

After running for about 40 minutes long the beach, I decided to head back home, and I ran into neighboring Golden Gate Park, and continued to enjoy myself.  I ran across the Japanese Tea Garden, the Botanical Garden, the De Young Museum, and the greater park area. 

I was thoroughly loving my run and felt very lucky to be living in such an awesome city that features so many beautiful sites. 

Finally, I got back home and was exhausted, but uplifted.  I had left around 12:15pm, and returned home at 3pm.